Why You Should Never Fly Delta. Ever

January 30, 2007 on 2:44 pm | In Uncategorized | No Comments

The Major, here, apologies for not writing anything in a while, I was volunteering at the Derek Zoolander Center for Kids Who Can’t Read Good and Want to Do Other Stuff Good Too. But here is my account of my adventures this past weekend with Delta, the Atlanta based worst airline in history.

Delta Flight 6188 JFK to Syracuse, Friday, January 26, 2007

6:45pm- Arrive at JFK

7:35pm- Begin boarding Delta flight 6188 to Syracuse

7:55pm- Get informed by the flight attendant that someone threw up in seat 5C on the previous flight and we couldn’t leave until the Hazmat team came and cleaned it up.

7:56pm- Get informed by the flight attendant that since we were parked too close to the terminal, we couldn’t turn the engines on and thus couldn’t heat the cabin.

7:56pm- Realize that the temperature on the tarmac at JFK was around 10 degree Farenheit

8:35pm- Said Hazmat team shows up. ‘Hazmat Team’ consists of Hispanic guy in Fubu sweatshirt and Yankees hat with a roll of paper towels and a spray bottle with blue liquid in it.

8:36pm- Hazmat team completes clean up

8:37pm- Inform the flight attendant in the nicest way I could muster that I would have gladly done that 45 MINUTES AGO.

9:15pm- Take off, after sitting in runway traffic, thawing out

10:30pm- Land in Syracuse, vow never to fly Delta again, after my return flight of course

Delta Flight 6175 Syracuse to JFK Monday, January 29, 2007

4:00am- Wake up

5:05am- Arrive at Syracuse International ( they fly to Canada, doesn’t count) Airport

5:35am- Board plane

6:00am- Informed by pilot that the plane has a ‘computer problem’ and has to return to the terminal, and the flight is cancelled

6:35am- Informed by Delta staff that there are no more flights to JFK until late Monday afternoon

6:36am- Almost scream in frustration

6:36am- Demand that they book another flight on a different airline

7:15am- They oblige, book me on US Airways, 10:15am

7:25am- Check in at US Airways

7:27am- Realize on my boarding pass that US Airways red-flagged me because by transferring me to US Air, Delta made it look like I missed my flight by being late, rather than the flight being cancelled

7:30am- The TSA people inform me that I am red flagged, and start to laugh amongst themselves about how I must be some ‘hung over college punk’ who slept through my flight

7:31am- Politely inform the TSA workers that I was actually in the airport at 5am, and that Delta cancelled my flight while we were about to take off on the runway

7:41am- TSA confiscates the unopened Gatorade that I had purchased after going through security the first time

7:42am- Recover from the ridiculous pat down and search that ensued on every single thing I had in my possession. Even though I had already been through security two hours earlier.

10:15am- Board US Airways flight

11:30am- Land in Laguardia seven-and-a-half HOURS later, on what should have been an hour-and-a-half trip.